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In an advice column published by Seniors Guide on October 12, 2026, R. Eric Thomas answered a retired reader who said friends repeatedly asked for rides, errands and handyman help, then challenged refusals. Thomas said boundaries can protect relationships from growing resentment and suggested discussing limits and other sources of help.
Seniors Guide published an advice column on October 12 in which writer R. Eric Thomas responded to a retired reader who said friends were asking for rides to medical appointments, grocery trips and home repairs, and pushing back when he said no. Thomas advised the reader to keep setting boundaries and said a conversation about limits and other support could help prevent resentment from building.
The reader, who signed the letter “Team Player,” said friends of a similar age had become increasingly reliant on him for practical help, including transportation to doctor’s appointments and outpatient surgeries, grocery shopping and handyman tasks. He said he had begun refusing some requests but found it uncomfortable when friends tried to debate or persuade him to change his answer.
The reader described feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated and wondered whether friends saw him as someone to use rather than as a friend. Those are the writer’s perceptions and concerns; the column does not include responses from the friends or other evidence about their intentions.
Thomas said boundaries are not necessarily a threat to a friendship. In his response, he linked the reader’s growing resentment to a sense that his own capacity and needs were not being considered. He suggested pausing to make sure both sides understood one another, potentially agreeing that the reader would make only some trips and helping friends identify other people who could assist.
Setting Limits Without Ending Friendships
The exchange addresses a practical tension that can arise when friends need more help: one person may want to be supportive but have limited time, energy or willingness to take on repeated tasks. The letter describes requests spanning transport, shopping and household repairs, rather than a single favor, and says refusals have become difficult because they are followed by persuasion.
Thomas’s response frames clear limits as a way to protect the relationship as well as the person providing help. If someone agrees while feeling pressured, resentment may accumulate; if that person declines without explanation or discussion, the friends may misunderstand what kind of help remains possible. The column recommends neither unlimited assistance nor cutting off the friendships. It points instead toward communicating what the reader can do and looking for shared alternatives.
The advice also recognizes that needing help with appointments or household tasks can be unsettling. Thomas suggested that friends may be focused on their needs or may lack other people to ask, but presented these as possible explanations, not established facts about this group. That distinction matters: understanding why someone asks for help does not mean the recipient must provide it.
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The Reader’s Requests and Refusals
The item appeared in Seniors Guide’s “Asking Eric” advice coverage, which the supplied report describes as addressing older adults and their families, including caregiving, retirement communities and grandparenting. The published letter and response are the basis for this report; they are not a survey or independent investigation of how often older adults face similar situations.
The reader did not describe one specific dispute or identify the friends. Instead, he listed several kinds of help they requested and said their requests were becoming more frequent. He also said they often tried to talk him into helping after he declined. Thomas responded to the concern as presented, noting that such persistence could mean the friends did not understand the refusal as final or were focused on their own needs. The column does not establish which, if either, explanation applies.
Thomas is identified by Seniors Guide as a bestselling author, playwright and screenwriter who has written advice columns, including work on “Dear Prudence.” The response was presented as advice to an individual reader, not as professional counseling or a finding about the reader’s relationships.
““I’m feeling overwhelmed and unappreciated as a friend.””
— The reader, signing as “Team Player”
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What the Friends Understand
The column offers only the reader’s account. It is not clear why the friends keep asking, whether they understand his refusals as firm, or whether they have other people or services available to help. Their intentions are not established, and the report does not say whether the reader has discussed specific limits with them beyond saying no to individual requests.
There is also no follow-up showing how the reader responded to Thomas’s advice or whether the friendships changed. The column does not say whether any one friend has a pressing or immediate need, or how much help the reader is willing and able to offer over time.
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A Conversation About Practical Help
Thomas’s suggested next step is a direct conversation aimed at clarifying what the reader can offer and what he cannot. That could mean agreeing to make only some trips, rather than taking on every ride or errand, and discussing other friends who might share the support. The column leaves the specific arrangement to the people involved; it does not report that a conversation has taken place or that any plan has been agreed.
For the reader, the immediate issue is whether friends hear a refusal as a final limit and whether a narrower offer would feel manageable. For the friends, the next step would be to identify support beyond one person if their needs exceed what he can provide. No outcome is reported, so whether the advice eases the tension remains unknown.
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Key Questions
What happened in the Seniors Guide column?
R. Eric Thomas answered a retired reader’s letter about friends asking for rides, grocery trips and handyman help, then trying to persuade him when he declined.
What did Thomas recommend?
Thomas supported continuing to set boundaries and suggested a conversation to clarify what help the reader can provide. He also proposed making only some trips and considering other people who could share the assistance.
Did the column establish that the friends were using the reader?
No. The reader worried that friends might see him as someone to use, but the column contains no response from the friends and does not establish their motives.
Why did Thomas say boundaries can help a friendship?
He said limits can address the strain created when someone feels their needs or capacity are being ignored. In his view, clarifying limits may help prevent resentment from growing.
Is there an update on what the reader did?
No follow-up is included in the supplied report. It is unknown whether the reader spoke with the friends or whether they found additional sources of help.
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