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In a first-person essay published by Being Patient on October 7, 2026, Robert G. Fishman describes how his mother’s dementia reshaped his understanding of memory and their relationship. He says his “Deconstructed Landscapes” paintings helped him stop trying to correct her and pay attention to the connection that remained.
Artist and retired professor Robert G. Fishman has described how painting helped him come to terms with his mother’s dementia and change the way he visits her. In a first-person essay published by Being Patient on October 7, 2026, Fishman says his “Deconstructed Landscapes” series gave him a way to understand memory loss and focus on the relationship that remained, rather than trying to make his mother remember.
Fishman writes that he spoke with his mother daily after his father died in 1999. She lived alone in Florida and moved to an independent living facility at about 91. A few years later, he noticed changes he initially attributed to aging. In late 2023, he visited and found her apartment in poor condition, with an empty refrigerator and an odor she did not seem to notice. A neurologist diagnosed early-stage dementia, according to Fishman, but his mother rejected the diagnosis and declined further testing.
Because their daily phone calls still sounded familiar, Fishman says he had not understood the extent of the changes. He describes becoming frustrated when his mother could not do things she had done before, correcting her and sometimes yelling. He writes that he kept hoping he could bring back the mother he remembered, and felt guilt about his reactions.
In retirement, Fishman had returned to painting. He began reworking realistic landscapes, removing details with each successive version until the scenes became less recognizable. He later understood the paintings as a way to represent his mother’s changing memory. Four works became the series he calls “The Art of Forgetting.” Fishman says his mother now lives in a memory care unit about 10 minutes from his home, and that he tries to enter her world rather than correct her.
How Painting Changed His Visits
Fishman’s essay offers a personal account of a shift that can be difficult for families: moving from trying to restore a person’s former abilities to responding to the person as they are now. He says the paintings helped him recognize that memory loss did not mean his mother had disappeared, and gave him a way to sit with grief and frustration without making those feelings the center of their interactions.
The account is not a clinical study and does not establish that art has the same effect for other caregivers. Its value is as a first-person description of one family’s experience. Fishman’s story also makes clear that a person may sound familiar in conversation while struggling with daily tasks, as he says happened during his calls with his mother. That gap affected his understanding of her condition and when he recognized the need to visit.
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From Florida to Memory Care
Fishman writes that his mother had long feared developing Alzheimer’s disease because her own mother was diagnosed at 73 and died seven years later. When Fishman’s mother remained well into her 90s, he believed she might have avoided the same fate. He says she refused local assisted living, telling the family, “Over my dead body.” The family eventually persuaded her to move closer to them in Maryland.
That move addressed practical concerns, Fishman writes, but did not resolve his grief or frustration. He describes an initial response centered on trying to make his mother remember and return to her previous self. The paintings developed as his own approach to the experience changed. His account follows the path from noticing signs during a visit, to the reported diagnosis, relocation, and eventual placement in a nearby memory care unit.
““Over my dead body.””
— Robert G. Fishman, in his Being Patient essay
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Limits of This Personal Account
The essay presents Fishman’s own account; it does not provide independent medical records or additional comment from his mother, her clinicians, or other family members. The source says a neurologist diagnosed early-stage dementia, but Fishman reports that his mother rejected the diagnosis and declined further testing. The essay does not specify the date of the diagnosis or provide details about her current cognitive or medical condition.
It also does not claim that painting can treat dementia or produce the same changes for other families. The account describes how one caregiver says art helped him process the experience and alter his responses. The specific diagnosis, progression, and care needs of his mother beyond the details Fishman provides remain unreported.
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Fishman’s Continuing Visits
Fishman says his mother is now in a memory care unit near his home. He describes visiting her and no longer correcting her when she is mistaken, instead trying to meet her within her experience. The essay gives no timeline for further changes in her health or care, and Being Patient does not announce a follow-up report. For now, the development is the publication of Fishman’s personal account and his description of how his approach to visits has changed.
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Key Questions
Who wrote “The Art of Forgetting”?
Robert G. Fishman, a retired college professor and nonprofit executive who is also a visual artist and author, wrote the first-person essay published by Being Patient.
What are Fishman’s “Deconstructed Landscapes”?
They are paintings Fishman made by repeatedly reworking landscapes and removing details. He says he later recognized the series as a way to represent his understanding of his mother’s changing memory.
What did Fishman say changed in how he visits his mother?
He says he stopped trying to correct her or make her remember and instead tries to enter her world. His mother lives in a memory care unit near his home, according to the essay.
Does the essay say painting treats dementia?
No. It describes Fishman’s personal experience of using painting to process his mother’s dementia and change his own responses. It does not present evidence that painting treats dementia or has the same effect for other families.
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